I'm going to take a break from The Vatican for a minute...
I've had a bunch of comments and emails about when I'm getting back to the states. I'm already here, people. I've been home for about a month now :) Click
HERE for a shortened version of what happened...
Today I spoke to a guy holding a gun to his head. It is my job to help people receive disability benefits through social security, and he needed them. This man was as close as you could get to having "suicidal tendencies". He calmly answered my questions as I cried and asked him to please put the gun down. "It's ok sweetheart, just finish the intake" he said to me.
After getting all of the information I needed, I ended the call informing him someone would be calling to help him with the paper work he will receive in the mail the next day and then I went and cried on the floor next to my team lead.
We all know I'm taking medication for anxiety and depression...I've been lowering my doses to ease myself off so I don't have to be dependant on medication for the rest of my life. This last weekend I made my last cut down, 1/4 of the regular dose. So having said that you can imagine the panic I felt getting off the phone with a man that needed help so desperately he was willing to take his own life if he could not find some sort of hope.
I have no way of knowing if he will be alright, I can only hope that this man gets the help he needs and quickly.
I haven't moved much from this one spot since I came home from work early. It's an interesting thing to experience, I know I'm not alone but it really hit me hard. My biggest fear was the possibility that any second I would hear a gun shot and the conversation would be over. And a life would be over. Just like that.
I know it wouldn't be my fault. I know there is nothing more I can do. It was just something I've never experienced. And something I'll never be able to forget.